Day 144: You don't live forever.

 It's almost half year since I came here. Even though my exchange life is quite different from what I expected, I've learnt many things which I didn't know while I was in Japan. Interestingly, I've spent almost all time with Japanese and Finnish folks but I could say the above statement.

The problem was not that I was stuck in my country but that I was stuck in my university, or even smaller communities. They shared similar view towards life, future, study, love, and appearance to some extent. Oh yeah, actually I chose that kind of people by myself. Here I have to live together with those who (not always but sometimes) has sitty ideas or do fu*king things so I'm kinda forced to learn how to stand and to corporate with them. People who did exchange often talk about this in positive way, but at least for me, in most cases, it's just a piece of shit.

I'm not sure whether I had any "community" which I belonged to while I was in Tokyo. I had my community when I was in (junior) high school for sure. it's getting smaller but it exists even now. I got some dudes from my university, but it was not a community because I didn't often saw them and in most cases I saw one person in one time. I joined some circles but they didn't become my communities because I escaped from most of them and I had been a member of a circle until I came here not because it was comfortable but because I was forced to (I really appreciate some friends, especially older lads from the circle but that doesn't mean it was a COMFORTABLE era for me). So, I might say another problem was that I wasn't on good terms with any groups.

Here, I've known some Japanese and Finnish people and they formed a big group. Of course, I prefer some people than others but I have to be a good fellow in the group. However, a group has bunch of problems about relationships. Even I have some. These things are so annoying that nowadays I wish I could fly away.

Well, that's not a truth. My feeling mainly comes from my recent (I should use proper word: PREVIOUS) clash. I've got so much, probably too much free time and thought one of the stupidest things in this world. Then, I tried to move on next phase and I failed. I can explain this episode in two sentences, but it devastates me like a cancer. 

Anyway, I had a quite good time with those dear hearts and gentle people who live in this city, but now the happiest time has gone and winter is here. I learnt how to deal with other people but still donno how to do with myself, and not sure it is possible to mediate others while I am trying to deal with my own problems. It might be one solution that I leave this shit and concentrate on my study. Brain science seems to be quite interesting but demanding as well. Also, it has many opportunities even in Japan. I already found some internship thingi.　

It's good time to move on, but I'm still stuck up.

Btw I found a song like this;

You came down to this northern town last summer
To show the folks a brand new way of life
But all you've shown the folks around here is trouble
And you've only added misery to their strife
Your concern is not to help the people
And I'll say again, though it's been often said
Your concern is just to bring discomfort, my friend
And your policy is just a little shit
Now, ain't I right (ain't he right)
(ain't he right)
It matters not to you how people suffer
And should they, you'd consider that a gain
You bring a lot of trouble to the town and then you leave
That's part of your Idealistic game
I detect a little Idealism
I can see it in the things ya do
Idealism, Romanticism,call it what you like
There's very little difference in the two
Now, ain't I right (ain't he right)
(ain't he right)